Baby's first Christmas

Tips for a low-stress holiday

By Holly Bennett

Anna Hayes has fond memories of the Christmas when she had a new baby and a toddler. Why? "My dad and his wife came up, and they cooked the dinner and looked after my other little one while I looked after my baby. It was great — it really helped me get through."

It's a gift we might wish for every family with a baby: someone else to help with the holidays. Instead, says Hayes, executive director of Valley Family Resource Centre in Woodstock, NB, it's often a stressful time because "you are trying so hard to do everything the same plus take on the baby. And you just can't."

Lorraine Mockford, ECE professor at Nova Scotia Community College in Halifax, confesses to being "someone who's had more than her share of Christmas breakdowns. I am majorly susceptible to being supermom at Christmas."

She has learned the hard way to keep her eye on what's really important. "Ask yourself, ‘What kind of Christmas do I want for and with my child?' And if you also feel compelled to send out 50 holiday cards, cook a big giant meal and have the house perfectly decorated, and that's conflicting with your first wish, then you have a bit of work to do to try to pull them together."

Hayes reminds us that the baby is completely oblivious to holiday traditions — but she can be affected by your stress. "If you are uptight and overwhelmed, that comes through to your baby." Looking after a baby is time-consuming, challenging and sometimes exhausting, so this is a year when keeping the demands of Christmas to a manageable level is a matter of self-preservation. But if you need any other justification, consider it a favour to your baby.

If travel and visits are in the plans, you'll want to consider how to keep your baby safe and happy in the midst of the excitement.

"We had a really fussy first baby," remembers Barbara Wong, "so we tried hard to meet his need for structure and a regular routine, even though we were at my parents' in Nova Scotia. We brought along half of Thomas's belongings and tried to keep things as much as possible like they were at home. I kept the routines the same, brought along our own bedding so it would be familiar and kept the same bedtime. Even so, he still had difficulties sleeping at night."

Other babies are quite adaptable, says Mockford. "Don't be so driven by their routines that you don't do anything. But keep in mind that when they reach the end of their tolerance, that's it." Mockford suggests that one ritual that is important, and soothing, to many babies is the settling down routine. "If you can keep that one constant — whether it's settling down for a nap or for the night — then everyone's lives are going to be easier," she says. "So don't feel obligated to do something with the family at a time when you would ordinarily be putting your baby to sleep."

So it boils down to knowing your baby. If you can be flexible about his schedule, great — have fun! If he really needs his nap at a certain time or to nurse in a quiet, dark room, then you may need to protect his routine. He's only little; big people should adapt to him, not the other way around.

Which brings us to the wild card factor: not the baby — the family. It can be hard to be the first in your extended family to have a baby because other family member may not understand your requests to move the candelabra or adjust dinnertime around the baby's bedtime. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a trailblazer for those who come after you! On the other hand, it can be wonderful to be around other adults who are happy to accommodate — and dote on — your little one.

For most of us, the holidays are about family. "You have your own family now," says Mockford. "So look for ways that you can create your own special traditions with your family." It's the time you spend together, not the perfection of the details, that matters, she reminds us. "In the years to come, what the kids will remember is the fun they had with their parents. They aren't going to want the Christmas video to be of mom sitting in the corner crying because she's run ragged and nothing has worked out!"

A baby-safe holiday

Christmas is certainly a babyproofing challenge — not only in your own home, but anywhere you are visiting. In the flurry of meal preparation and present opening, it can be easy to lose track of open cupboards, accessible wine glasses and guests' purses, so make sure someone is on designated "baby duty" at all times.

Specific holiday hazards to watch for include:

breakable ornaments on the tree or on display (not to mention the tree itself)
tinsel or ribbons a baby might choke on
extension cords or electric lights
candles
plastic wrap from gifts

Grandparents don't necessarily think of these things," says Anna Hayes, executive director of Valley Family Resource Centre in Woodstock, NB. The little Christmas decorations, flashing lights, candles, tinsel, ribbons are all so inviting, but they pose hazards to a crawling baby or curious toddler. "You've really got to check."

Originally published in Today's Parent, December 2005